phonon_belt: (Hirasawa - Cookie)
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Here is part 3 of the "Dagonfai in the Gallows" series of blog posts. (Part 2 is here.) Mr. Hirasawa regales us with a tale of what happens when three Kathoey fuss over him at dinner. YOU KNOW HE LOVES IT.

Dagonfai in the Gallows: Phase-3

Translation of post from July 20, 2003 (original post here)

θ=6 β=4


At that dinner the other day, I wasn't even given the chance to look at the menu. Oolong tea was supplied to me the moment I took my seat. They kept fussing over me, going "Are you sure the AC isn't too cold?" or "Are you sure the music isn't too loud?" or "Are you sure the wind isn't blowing the tobacco smoke your way?" Meanwhile, the menu for my meal was decided and the order placed. All this was skillfully done before I could even realize what was going on. It was hard to tell which of the three girls had done what. When I looked at them, each one would smile sweetly at me with an expression that said, "I won't overlook anything!" And the meal that was brought to me was perfect:

1. Seaweed soup, with 50% more tofu but without meat or coriander.
2. Sautéed water spinach.
3. A large quantity of vegetables, without coriander but with extra mint leaves.
4. Rice porridge.

Yes, 100 points, a perfect score. Now, to protect the honor of those mentioned here, I will avoid using their real names and will refer to them as Kinoe, Kinoto, and Hinoe.* First Kinoto reached for the soup and attempted to serve some into my dish, but then Kinoe said, "No!"

Kinoe picked up my dish and carefully started wiping it off with a tissue. This behavior is not unusual in Thailand--you see it here and there in restaurants. Once my spoon, fork, and chopsticks were all clean and shiny, Kinoto tried again to serve me the soup. But now Hinoe said, "No!"

Upon closer examination, we saw that the soup contained meatballs. Hinoe summoned the waiter and directed him to have the soup made again. I said, "No, it's fine, I can just eat everything but the meat."


Hinoe said, "No! The smell of meat is already in the soup." She had the waiter take the soup away. Aah, everything was "no" this, "no" that! Kinoto was still smiling, but I was certain that she was secretly offended. As we were waiting for the new soup to arrive, Kinoto moved to the seat directly across from me.

Kinoe and Hinoe's faces seemed to say "You cheater! Why?!" Kinoto said something to them in Thai, then leaned in close to me and whispered, "There is a group of Japanese people behind me. You wouldn't like it if they recognized you, right? I will conceal you from them."

After that and a few more tense moments, we finished our meal. When I reached for my tea, I found it had been mysteriously replaced with fresh hot tea without my noticing, just like before. Then fruit was placed in front of me for dessert. First, mangosteen was served, and Hinoe smiled. Next came some rose apple, and Kinoe smiled. And then came custard-apple and Kinoto's smile. These fruits are all my favorites, but there was no way I could eat them all. My stomach was already full. Kinoe immediately said, "Are you full already? Then please eat only what you like!"

I dramatically looked at my watch and said, "Oh no! It's time for me to talk to Aeh on the phone!"

* Not sure what the reading of these aliases (甲、乙、and 丙) is supposed to be, but I went with the prettier sounding ones. The names are the first three signs of a traditional Chinese calendar and the numbers 1, 2, and 3 in an old way of counting.

So clever, there, at the end. But: THIS MAN IS OFFICIALLY A TEASE.